An addendum: Spelunking your soul


I had a thought last night after I closed my post and I think it bears worth saying, so here we go: We need to be able to listen to people speak their darkest pain in without freaking the f*ck out. You don’t have to be mentally ill or depresssed or have anxiety or ANYTHING mentally wrong to think about ending your life. Maybe read that again. Period.

I think most humans at some time in their life have considered exiting planet body for a variety of reasons, mostly the “I’m just not sure I can go on”  the “why am i here” the “I’m worthless” the “No one will ever love me” the “what if it never works out” the “I’m in so much pain, in my soul” variety. (Please insert your own pain here as well, it’s all valid.)

If you’ve ever lost a child, or the love of your life, been divorced, been raped or lost everything in a fire, or maybe your entire career. Maybe your dream failed, maybe your dog died. Maybe you don’t want to get old. Maybe you have been diagnosed with a scary illness. Maybe you live in poverty and life has been harsher to you than most. You get the point. Somewhere in the rumbling wreckage, I think we all find ourselves there, if even for a moment, don’t we? Just. Even. A Single. Moment.

Why does talk of darker souled thoughts and ending one’s life make people so damn uncomfortable? Why do squirm and look away when people talk about their darker urges? Even addiction. Hasn’t anybody ever considered that our best hope at lowering the suicide rate in this country is to normalize the discussion about it. As in no one loses their shit or launches into judgement and we just listen. I think it goes without saying that verbally vomiting this stuff is very helpful but being witnessed is even better. Can’t we all see our humanity in that? I know, I know, not everyone is comfortable opening up their soul and being vulnerable in front of others, but maybe that’s something for us to consider…maybe if our culture was to embrace each other versus judge each other, that might help too…maybe vulnerability could be as stylish as the Kardashians…maybe we could learn something from each other…

Why isn’t therapy a warmly embraced practice that we can all get behind? Why is there any kind of stigma at this point attached to saving yourself via a human educated in the art of assisting you heal your soul? As in a qualified professional. Is the idea of spelunking the darkest recesses of your mind & soul that scary? I mean, it is, I’m there, let me be honest. But the part of me that is anchoring the really unhappy part of me, yea, that part of me that knows there is goodness coming, it’s sure we are on the right path. I am sure if I can make it thru the really scary awful parts there is a peace waiting for me that I have been searching for all my life. And the really honest thing is, it’s only alluded me because I refused to see me. I refused to listen to myself.  I refused to acknowledge my pain, I just kept swallowing it. I kept making the same choices thinking it would work out differently when I was the variable that needed to change. If I can get thru this, I may fully embrace myself. I may become the ally that I have advised people to be to themselves so many times… I may stop hiding from my life…Maybe I will experience prolonged joy versus bubble bursting moments.

Seems to me that if I can survive this, it will be worth it. But it’s been a struggle this week. Do you know what I mean?

P.S. I know we all work thru things in our own way, but still the next time someone you know or don’t know well is hanging on by a thread, try listening without prejudice and see where that takes the situation.




2 thoughts on “An addendum: Spelunking your soul

  1. Lindy Lizenbery

    Continue to walk through your journey. Share and write about it. Your shared insights will help others. And that’s a good thing. In helping others you will also be helping yourself to heal the broken places in your heart. Lindy


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