You can’t handle the truth

How’s your Sundaze going Travellers?

I’m working on my cowgirl up today…I’ve been thinking about my version of reality a lot this morning. I may have some delusions about how life works. And I think it’s contributing to my distress. Call it trying to be reasonable with myself.

Lately, I’ve felt abit like a mob victim in a movie. The one who stumbled backwards in the confrontation scene into the hole in the ground that becomes my wet cemented tomb. Because in the movies there is always a convenient pour truck nearby isn’t there…

Yes, you’re welcome, I have a flair for drama. Love the dramatic traumatic cinematic analogies. But you do know what I mean? Everyone has those times in life where reality comes flooding in, crushing you, smothering you? No? No?

Moving on…

In my life I currently have three women who are my “like Mom” people, my wasband’s mom, my Dad’s wife and my colleague who I’ve always called my Fairy God mother. Because of her name. She has the same name as the Good Witch in Wizard of Oz who rides around in the giant bubble. She could definitely pull off the riding around in a giant iridescent bubble. In the best way. Anyways, they have all been trying to help me in one way or another out of concern lately and I appreciate all of your time. I may not have a mom, but the three of you are more than sufficient when it comes to dispensing wisdom.

In the end though, the person who needs to help me, is me. And I can’t say I’ve been FULLY committed to that endeavor…

I’ve been thinking that I have not been honest with myself, or rather deluding myself  or not living fully in the reality of my life. The first few months post divorce were just a giant sig of relief, but now life has rushed in. Don’t get me wrong, I get up everyday and do all the things I’m suppose to do, make the bed, walk the dogs, clean the litter box, eat good foods, work out, go to work, pay the bills, mow the yard, behave like a good human, and the myriad of other shit we call life.

One of my “like Moms” said something yesterday, and I’m going to paraphrase because I cannot remember verbatim how she said it. Essentially she said life is good if you have a job you can stand, a place to live and food to eat. That’s the essence of a human life. And she’s not wrong, but I always thought my life was more than that…I thought my life was meant to be more than basic. Sounds nuts, right? I’m going to attribute that to my artistic brain, but I’m starting to think it’s an allusion or delusion that’s keeping me from not only doing all the hard work, but from enjoying the good things I have…And this morning that led me to start pondering dishonesty.

I’m talking about more than just outright lying here. I’m talking about the half truths we tell ourselves and the varying degrees of dishonesty that our society now embraces or expects. I think we can safely say we are not living in a culture of honesty. Show of hands there?  I can only speak for America when I say that, so if you are from elsewhere, this may not apply. However since I think the internet has contributed to this issue, and the vast net it casts over this world is undeniable, I tend to think it’s now a global human issue.

To be clear, I’m not just talking about the man in the Oval Office. To me, the man in the Oval is a symptom of a greater problem. Think about politics, think about how we, as voters, have come to expect or accept a certain degree of deception from politicians. Deception meaning dishonesty. Like it’s just what it is, the sky is blue, politicians lie. We have allowed the fabric of our government to be heavily woven from dishonesty and deceit. Reminds me of the lyric, “Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head.” That’s what I think of when someone starts talking politico mumbo jumbo. I know it sounds harsh, but reality is harsh.

These people make promises that they can’t keep, and I’m not sure even voters think they can keep them. It’s like a game we keep playing even though NO ONE IS WINNING RIGHT NOW. I’m neither a Democrat or Republican because it’s seems bipartisanship is also part of the problem. And I’m so tired of voting to stop someone else, instead of voting for someone who I actually believe in.

I think it’s time to build a better bomb folks, Democrats, you need to get your shit together. You have an opportunity here to I dunno, work the f*ck together to sort out who might be able to beat Trump or hell, who could ACTUALLY do the job well and ACTUALLY wants to help this country, versus your EGO. As a woman, I don’t think a woman can get in office right now, it sucks, but honesty, let’s not delude ourselves. I believe that time will come, but this isn’t it…

More importantly right now, I have to ask, would the American public choose to elect an honest person? Are we capable of electing an honest person? Can an honest person work their way up to a nomination in this current system? Think about that, talk amongst yourselves. We elected a liar, either way, in the last election, we would have elected a liar. This is about tolerance and delusion. We tolerate so many delusions is so many areas of our lives, I think it’s reasonable to ask if we really want the truth or we just want more of what we currently have because that kind of change would be hard.

Health care and the food industry. Talk about delusional. I watched “Fed Up” on Netflix about a week ago. I’ve watched all the food movies and they are all disturbing as f*ck. This one however produces a fairly concrete correlation between our government, the insurance companies and the food industry pretty much aligning themselves to turn the country into sugar addicts. They even address the increasing amounts of sugar added to baby formulas which creates tiny little addicts. It’s sad and scary. It’s sad that money has superseded the value of other human lives in the hierarchy of business in America. It’s scary because this current trajectory means American is literally the Titanic when it comes to our nation’s public health. And THAT is the truth, you can pretend it’s not, but it is…again, tolerance and delusion.

This film even addressed Michele Obama’s quest to essentially hold the food industry accountable in it’s labeling practices and without saying the words, the film insinuates she was black balled. Her initiative fell back onto movement and exercise being the sole focus factor to change America’s health crisis. Do you remember this, because I do. I will boldly say her plan was an actual health care solution, but why did we not listen? Because we’re delusional when it comes to our health. You have to make hard choices sometimes about what you eat and exercise is a long road.  I wish I could speak to her and say, Michele, you’re not in office now, go get those assholes. Because you have to have a high enough podium in this world to be heard and affect change don’t you?

Beyond this, I think we are being sold the delusion of happiness everyday. It’s called materialism and the idea that things come easier than they do. And I’ve bought in just as much as you. Health can arrive in 90 days on the right diet and exercise program. You can take a variety of online courses to win at Instagram or blogging or Facebook. Get “fill in the blank” done now with whatever program…over night success is what we call it, but that’s not how it works, is it? No, it’s all a delusion or an outright lie.

Behind true success is time, maybe alot of time. And work, maybe a lot of work. Speaking for me, I’ve felt lately like I’m too old and there is no time, but I’m not too old and there is time. It’s hard work and doing all the uncomfortable things, which for me is self promotion and not giving up, AND work work work. The lie or delusion for me is that it’s gonna be easier than it really is. That something magical is going to happen. And isn’t that what many of us believe? The right person can fix the country, you CAN eat McDonalds and be healthy or drink soda and be happy or just work a little bit and you will be discovered because you are a unicorn. All not true.

For some reason though, today feels like the day I’m gonna saddle up that pony and ride all the way to sunset on the horizon. And the horizon is pretty far away, so I’ll let you know if I fall off…


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