A Seed

Bonne Soiree Travellers,

Last weekend I had the oddest feeling inside my body and in the air outdoors…it felt like summer had already been here and gone, when in fact it really hasn’t even arrived yet. I had that feeling of disappointment one has when summer is on it’s way out…Isn’t that peculiar?

I’m going to blame the numerous days of cloudy hungover skies for that sensation. It feels like the weather has created a blank canvas of sorts, or maybe it’s a too much gray canvas.

I feel like many of the dynamic moments of Spring have be drowned out or muted in a way I can’t fully describe….

But on Tuesday night, as I was walking across the terrace, I spied this luscious little fellow…

The first strawberry.

Summer is indeed still coming…

Lemme tell you, in case you don’t know, strawberries that are grown on their own taste so much more wonderful than their store bought counter parts. I think it’s because when you grow them on your own, they get to take their time.

There’s something to be said for letting things grow in their own time.

Especially people.

Don’t you agree?

I think one of the most difficult aspects of being human is the way we struggle with our own pacing. It’s something that defies explanation really as to how we arrive, where we arrive, when we arrive there.

If you are someone who has battled any kind of mental health struggle or familial trauma or addiction or divorce or survived an extraordinary ordeal of any kind, there’s this moment when you think this thought. I arrived at it and I’ve heard many many others express the same sentiment:

Why couldn’t I have figured this out sooner?

I have an idea, would you like to hear it? Here we go…

Do you know who William Shakespeare is? Let’s go with yes for arguments sake… Will once said “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances…” ok, actually Jaques, a character in “As You Like It” recites this whole spiel, but for our purposes, we just need that one little bit to build on…

If you know anything about plays and theatre, let’s say yes again, for arguments sake…then you know that there is a rhyme and reason to scenes and staging and lighting and most importantly, TIMING. The actors don’t just run out on stage all hands in the air like they don’t care, squealing their lines at random intervals. And that is because…

No one gets to say their lines before it’s time.

Read that again.

I’m pretty sure you can’t arrive to your greatest moments of growth any sooner. No one can.

Isn’t that bittersweet?

There are so many moving parts inside us and those who surround us that have to fall into place, just like timing on a stage.

But the questions remain, how does that kind of time work? How does time become right for each of us? Why can’t we force that time forward, faster? Why can’t we arrive at being the person we want to be faster? Why can’t we learn and grow and heal faster?

I know when it’s a strawberry, those that are rushed into fruition are never as delicious…yea, I know, I just punned, sorry not sorry…

And I can’t help but think about how it all begins…A seed.

Ok, in our case, it’s an egg and a squiggly little sperm, but we are going to call it a seed, just for arguments sake.

Because we were a seed. In our parent’s minds, before we were a literal seed in a womb. We were an idea they thought was worth growing. Ideas are a most powerful kind of seed, are they not?

Consider the human existence we currently enjoy…architecture, transportation, medicine, science, fashion, agriculture, and even theatrical plays, these were all ideas that one or more humans felt needed to be planted and nourished.

We are all seeds that grow at different cadences, in different ways and into different humans. But we each need an unspecified amount of time to accomplish this. And we each deserve the opportunity to do that.

I’ve been trying to think about language for teaching this summer and on Instagram. In movement, if you are a consciousness human, and for arguments sake, let’s say you are, you want to use language that embraces everyone. That means every size, age, shape, color, stage of learning, flexibility and strength. The last thing I ever want to do is intimidate someone or make anyone ever feel less than.

Because I believe that the greatest strength of movement is that it has the power to make you feel more than. And it has the power to help you grow.

SO I’ve been thinking about using the analogy of a seed. And the way we all grow differently yet equally beautiful. I can break down any movement to it’s simplest pieces and then grow it from there. I like the idea of growing at your own pace in movement, because we all do. And I like that this idea feels harmonious with the yogic limbs as well.

In summary, strawberries, Shakespeare, theatrical timing, growth, ideas, you and me. All start from a seed.

So, What are you growing?

.

A solar year later…

Good evening Travellers,

I have officially lapped the one year mark since my ex left our home AND on last Friday, it was one year from our divorce. One solo trip around the sun. Somewhat hard to believe, but true.

And where I began is definitely not where I am now, so that’s progress. Maybe not the kind of progress I rather ambitiously hoped to have, because I think we all want to excel after we crash and burn. We wanna get back up at a racing pace when the truth is we were knocked on our ass and are completely dazed and out of breath. I wanted greatness while everyone in my life said, all you have to do in the first year is survive.

Well, I have survived.

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A few Friday musings on marriage, metamorphosis, worms and money

It’s Friday Travellers,

And I have a lot of thoughts, maybe get a cup of tea for this…

I’ve been trying to add up the number in my mind of women whom I have met since my divorce, who are also divorced, and have quite emphatically told me that they’ve never been happier than well, being on their own. Happily divorced. SO HAPPY. Not fake happy, like glowy. And all ages, not just mid-life or late in life, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, I mean I bet it’s been near a dozen women now…some random strangers, almost like the universe is speaking to me…it just happened again last night.

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Raising the Dead

Happy Halloween Travellers,

OR All Hallows’ Eve, OR my favorite to say and most intriguing by far, Dia de los Muertos! AKA Day of the Dead. Which sounds like the name of zombie movie, but it’s really not…

I’ve been thinking about this post in my mind for the past few days because I have so much to say and want it be as meaningful in words as it is inside myself. I’m not sure I can do that because I find when I try to be profound, I always fall flat on my face versus just let the words come out…

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Life as a fortune cookie

Good morning Travellers,

Let’s see what I come up with here in my 60 minute window today…

When I was married, we ate a lot of Chinese Food. Or it seemed like a lot looking back from here. Every Sunday evening, we ate it while watching “The Walking Dead”. Then that show lost it’s way and our Sunday night regularly scheduled dinner went with it.

I think we can all agree that good Chinese food is hard to find…but when you do it’s almost like crack cocaine, you crave it and it’s addictive and SO GOOD. To be clear, not endorsing drug use, obviously, but when something is disturbingly good, crack seems to be the comparative, doesn’t it? We had a pretty good little joint near our home and they had rather good fortune cookies.

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Make Good Choices…

And we are back Travellers,

I’ve been working on a lot of internal exploration these past two weeks. This is what I mean when I say “soul spelunking”, it’s the internal climbing around inside yourself so to speak. Digging into yourself, your emotions, your choices, your experiences to discover who you really are. Processing and shining a light into the darkness that you’ve been ignoring all your life.

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Storms

Good morning Travellers,

It’s a rainy one, all night, all morning. Think there’s been more rain here this year than any year of my entire life, no matter where I’ve lived. Rain. Rain. Rain.

Sometimes I feel like it’s trying to wash away something…(Listen and insert Bon Iver)

Last night, as the storm was coming, it was really quite beautiful…there’s is a strange beauty in chaos isn’t there? Though I’m not sure storms are really chaos, are they? I really liked how the sky looked like it was swelling around the sun, swathing it in darkness…this is around 7pm..it made a sunshine belly button in the sky…

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Need

Good evening Travellers,

I hadn’t planned on writing today, but heard a song and felt I had something to say after all…

Woke up late this morning, which was nice. Charlie is an awesome tiny spoon partner in bed. Never thought I would say that about a cat, much less live with cats.

Made brunch for the first time as a single girl. With my very favorite pancake recipe:

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Where is the OFF switch?

Hello Travellers,

The past few days of life here in Kansas have been without fanfare. By which I mean, there have been no wonderful morning walks due to the heat, humidity and rain. AND there have no discernible sunrises or sunsets. No beautiful skies, no lovely colors. The days have just lit themselves like someone was using a dimmer switch. Light slides on, light slides off. In fact this morning, I decided to dub this week, the Days of Malaise, because I’ve been having an equally rough time as well.

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In fact, I came here to write yesterday and just could not unclog myself to find the words. I typed out a little something but it felt so empty. Same with Sunday and Tuesday. It’s really abit upsetting because I have been so in tune with myself or my muse and then POOF, nope, just gone. Usually when I sit down in front of the screen, the words find themselves and pour out onto the page. Even today, I can feel abit of resistance, but I decided no matter what I come up with I’m putting it out in the world. Because we each have to embrace our story in all it’s ugliness and glory.

Continue reading “Where is the OFF switch?”