Heart

On June 21, 2021 By AmyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Good evening Travellers,

It’s Sunday eve, but this week I’m going to deviate from my usual offering of something splendid to just say a few things, I hope you won’t mind…let’s assume for arguments sake, that you won’t…

I’d like to take a few moments of appreciation here… just a few…

For the miraculous machine that dwells within us all

The thing that started to beat long before your lungs knew what air was

Long before your tongue found words or tastes or teeth

Or your eyes and ears were filled with the innumerable sensations that we take for granted each day

Or your tiny fingers and toes touched this Earth.

Your heart.

It’s a great word, right? Heart…I mean just say it out loud, your heart, my heart…

It’s a word that sounds like it’s loved, it’s got a gentle smile on it and a deeply resonating warmth.

It sounds tender. Like it wants to be deeply held.

I’m talking about the literal thing right now. That sinewy, blood filled muscle of an organ.

At one time, it was so tiny, you might even say miniscule. Beating inside your mom’s belly.

Smaller than the tip of your thumb. And now it’s the size of your fist.

Your heart that beats without fail every single second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, decade of your mortal life.

Have you ever taken a moment in absolute stillness and placed your hands on that pulsing and just felt it.

When you lie in bed tonight or perhaps when you awake in the morning, just take a moment and place your palms on your chest till you locate it and feel it.

The rhythm that is all yours, just yours.

That’s your life, right there, under your hands. Nestled in your chest.

It’s an odd looking organ, isn’t it? Hard to believe that thing, a thing that looks like it does is driving you forward.

Obviously in symphony with your brain and lungs and blood, but it’s the thing that is pumping life through your body

And when it ceases to do that, we are pronounced dead.

When I think about reasons to live well, I often think of my heart. And wanting to care for it.

Because I think about it’s location in the human body. It’s surrounded and protected by skin, muscle and bone.

Cradled in the center of our chest, in a place it can be defended and protected.

It’s as if it’s anatomical location shows us that it is precious.

It is worthy of your utmost care…

We often talk about heart break. We deeply hurt and say we are heart broken.

Of course this is figurative right?

A metaphor perhaps.

I have often said that Dave broke my heart and then his suicide smashed it into a million pieces, but that’s not entirely true, as my heart continues to beat ever so faithfully in my chest. Right now, as I type…there is no hesitation.

Someone hurt my heart recently from disappointment, but my organ itself feels fine, it’s somewhere else in my body…

Can you really die from heart break? Do our emotions break the muscles or the valves or the stymie the blood flow?

Why did we decide to call it heart break?

Who was the first person that used that phrase?

Doesn’t emotion come from the brain and nervous system? Or perhaps the soul if you are into that sort of thing.

Why don’t we call it brain break? Or say our nerves are deeply uncomfortable? Or say we are emotionally sick.

Just think if there was no such phrase as heart break.

There would be no Shakespeare, or songs, or movies or hell, just all kinds of things would require an entirely different vernacular.

Perhaps the heart is the great hall monitor of our human body. Slowing the blood down, or speeding it up. Trying to keep us in line where we belong.

It doesn’t seem to be breakable, but yet we believe it is…

And we all take it for granted too, don’t we? This life, our heart.

Because it is in fact your one ever present diligent companion.

Someone close to me has heart problems. He’s 85 and has both a defibrillator and a pace maker. He’s now taking medicine to help strengthen the muscles because they are beginning to get tired. As one expects to happen eventually.

I was thinking at their house the other night, or rather marveling how far that heart has travelled. How many beats it has drummed out in his lifetime, how many times his wife more than likely listened to it with her ear on his chest in their youth, and the fact that he made four other hearts in his children that will beat after he is gone.

It’s the kind of thing to marvel at and just think about for a few minutes…

This life is a marvel, just in case you have forgotten…it’s right there in your chest.

CAKE

On April 15, 2021April 15, 2021 By AmyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Hello again Travellers,

I didn’t really plan out this whole writing everyday for 30 day event very well, did I? This week is stuffed so full that I have not been able to fit in my time here with you beautiful people. My apologies to you and to myself as well. I disappoint myself when I fail to arrive here because it matters to me. It’s hard to select what has to fall away sometimes in order for other things to be accomplished. And I’m yet to figure out how to do it all. I’m still working out this whole how to do life thing. Trying to align my values with my behaviors.

Because you should know if I’m writing about, I’m struggling with it to. I do not have anything more figured out than anyone else. In fact, I think we each have pieces of life figured out, but no one gets the whole cake. We can share the same recipe, but it never tastes the same from human to human.

One of my closest friends had surgery Tuesday morning, so I’ve been doing whatever I can to help her, this is a very hectic work week, there’s working out everyday, walking dogs, cleaning up EVERYTHING and all the general nonsense that keeps a human life in motion and just exhaustion. It’s exhausting. I have felt tangibly exhausted.

I made a cake last night and iced it this morning for one of my meetings today. THE meeting of my day, which is where I present my proposed annual budget to the Board of Directors I work for… I tend to pry them with desserts. Not that they won’t show up, but my baking capabilities are bordering on legend at this point.

Ok, maybe not legend, but I do make really good sweet stuff…anyhow, I was thinking about a few things this morning and so, here we go:

That phrase, “Have your cake and eat it too.” What kind of ridiculousness is that? If you have cake, you are going to eat it. What else is cake for? And why would you want to both keep it and eat it..it’s gonna spoil, especially if it has cream cheese frosting. Everything good has an expiration, doesn’t it? Think about it…

Obviously I had to google it and Google says:

It means you can’t eat a cake and continue to possess that cake once you’ve consumed it. The use of the phrase, therefore, is to tell someone that they can’t have two good things that don’t normally go together at the same time, like eating a cake and then continuing to possess that same cake so you can eat later.

I think there is something fundamentally wrong with humans. It’s like every other lifeform on Earth just goes with the flow of life, BUT NOT US, why is that??

Why do we insist on making things so damn difficult?

Why do we so often sour our appreciation with wanting more?

Why do we want what we know we cannot have? Why do we seek that kind of frustration?

Because I have to tell you, I’d rather eat my cake and savor it. AND in a way, I do get to keep it. You keep the memory of it’s taste, texture, flavor subtleties and that moment. I think there is alot to be said for appreciating rarity versus wanting a never ending supply of something.

One of the photos I included in a this post, was a piece of red velvet cake. Or what was left of it. It was my birthday, I had just cut off all my hair, Dave was with me in one of favorite dining establishments and they brought it out as a surprise. Because they overheard us talking about my birthday and there are kind people in this world still. It was a surprise and not on their menu. Only for birthdays. And I never had another piece again. It was the best red velvet ever in the history of my life. And there’s something about the fact that I couldn’t have it again that for me really sweetens that whole memory. Which is why I took that photo.

The experience of having it and savoring it so fully that one time was enough.

Speaking of enough, yesterday I had a rather heartbreaking conversation with one of my favorite people. He reads this actually and he is 85 currently. He is on my Board and over the years we have become something near family. Yesterday he brought information about Excel, which is a program I despise but he runs quite easily, in case he wasn’t here sometime soon. And it hit me all at once just how close he might be to the out door of this life. After he left, I sat and cried because I don’t want him to go wherever we go next. I am not ready.

And it has been my sincerest privilege to know you and your wife.

This morning I realized, people are the best cake that we don’t just want to consume, but keep forever. But we can’t. That’s not the design, is it? It’s just the worst thing isn’t it? And we are all single pieces never to be consumed twice. No two will ever taste the same.

So my thought for your day is to savor everyone in your life. And don’t want what you cannot have, which is forever. Because it robs the moment of what you do have, which is now.

Kneading your needs

Good evening Travellers,

Did you remember today is Monday? This may be the only time in human existence where Mondays have been merely a shoulder shrug in the parade of time without measure. Mondays look a lot different without work and school and well, normal life, don’t they?

I’m gonna go a little free form and throw out some thoughts that have been on my mind today about Need…

Continue reading “Kneading your needs” →

V.A.C. #2- Put it in writing

On December 3, 2019December 10, 2019 By AmyIn Virtual Advent CalendarLeave a comment

Good morning Travellers,

Behind the little door for day #2 would be a tiny little drawing of you writing in a card. What kind of cards you ask? Holiday greeting cards…WAIT, don’t leave, hear me out..

It feels to me like our human world is slowly being stripped of all it’s tactile experiences in favor of digital ones. For example, I know the art of penmanship is something of the days of yore and people choose emails and texting as their primary form of “written”communication. CDs, cassette tapes, and vinyl records, have largely been replaced by ITunes or downloads. We shop online without touching the clothes before we buy them or talking to other people in a shop. We forgo movie theaters to sit on our own couches at home and watch movies. Even DVD rentals are falling under the tires of streaming service giants. We are literally losing our sense of touch & decreasing our real life human interaction. What becomes of humans who no longer touch anything but flat screens?! What becomes of us when we no longer interact in a three dimensional world?

Today, after work or whatever errands your days requires, I’d like you to go to anywhere that sells boxed greeting cards and find your favorite ones and buy a box. I think my box of 16 cards cost $7 plus tax. They came from Target. Then you’ll also need stamps. You remember stamps? We used to have to lick those things…again, a change in our tactile experiences.

Option #2 is making your own cards, if that’s on your menu, do that instead. The messenger isn’t as important as the message here.

Now make a list of the people who you really appreciate in your life this year. We’re not sending obligation cards to your aunt you never see, or form letters. These are for people sitting front row to your life, not the high balcony spectators. And you don’t need to feel guilt for anyone not being on your list, this isn’t a contest, this is about sharing your sincerest appreciation and gratitude. AND lastly, set one card off to the side…

I have tell you that I have received cards/letters over the years of my life that I’ve saved simply for the words someone sent just for me. It’s preserved kindness, and there is an energy in penning letters versus typing them on a keyboard. When you hold writing from another person in your hands, it’s a kind of magic, someone touched this and wrote this…and the words are there for all of time, just for you to see whenever you like…

For each person on your list, write a very specific message of why you appreciate them and their presence in your life. Give it some real thought, use as many words as you need to, take your time, maybe do 3-4 cards an evening, it’s only the 3rd of December!! But do mail them by the 12th…

I think this time of year can really cause people to reflect more on what they don’t have versus what we do have. I spent a great deal of time agonizing on Christmases for the family I didn’t have or the overwhelming sadness I felt. Worrying about gifts, buying and receiving in somewhat equal measure. In truth, it’s quite possible that the best gifts we have in our lives are each other. When I look at my four fur kids each day I think there’s nothing money could buy that’s better than them. And yea, I adopted them so technically they were a purchase, but really I see that more like adopting a child. Children & fur kids are not things or possessions, they are fellow Travellers.

I think looking outside ourselves for the blessings in our life is HUGE for our overall health. I think taking time for others is also good for us. Your mental health and physical health are so very deeply intertwined and it’s important to take care of both during the holidays. And oddly, I find that expressing kind words to other people makes you feel good inside too. I think humans were actually meant to be a kinder species than our current form, don’t you? Which brings me to that card you set aside…

I’ve never actually done this before and I’m not one of those hippy hippy love yourself gurus, BUT I think it behooves us to show ourselves some gratitude as well. SO, inside that last card, write a note to yourself, whatever you want, BUT it has to be kind and full of gratitude. Something you’ve done for yourself this year that made a HUGE difference in your life. EVEN IF IT’S ONLY ONE THING. TRUST ME, YOU’VE DONE AT LEAST ONE GOOD THING FOR YOURSELF THIS YEAR….write it down and then read it out loud to yourself, put it in it’s envelope and pack it away in your Christmas decorations. Over the course of a year, you’re going to forget that note just like I forget certain cute ornaments and next year, you’ll find it again… I think that written words preserve time in a way unlike any other art from. And the hardest lesson I’m still working on learning is to get on my own team. All of life changes but we will always be with ourselves…

Happy writing Travellers…and how about this morning’s sunrise with a Christmas tune…

It’s Mopsy Day!!

On October 8, 2019 By AmyIn Fuzzy family stuff, Soul Spelunking StuffLeave a comment

Good morning Travellers,

It doesn’t really seem like a morning anymore without a walk. It’s amazing how quickly you can create a small change in life that mean so much. Walking in the early evening just doesn’t have the same effect…I want it to be Spring again just so the light shifts back for early morning walks…we haven’t even breached Winter yet, and I’m already wanting to jump to the next season, typical human yearnings, am I right?

My calendar says today is Mopsy Day!!

Continue reading “It’s Mopsy Day!!” →

The Storm

On August 17, 2019September 12, 2019 By AmyIn Fuzzy family stuff, Mopsy StuffLeave a comment

Happy Weekend Travellers,

If you had a rough week, then congratulations for making it here! Sometimes I feel like getting to the weekend is like swimming to a raft in the center of a turbulent body of water. Once you successfully reach it and drag yourself on top of the float it’s suddenly peaceful and then you look up and the skies are clear and blue. AND when you look back the waters have stilled themselves.

Enjoy every minute while you are here…

Last night, we had a storm for the ages. All the trimmings: thunder, lightening, raining like the sky was trying to wring every drop last drop onto us, abit of hail, winds…you get the picture. It was a spare no expense type downpour. I don’t know what time it was when it began, I was just suddenly jolted out of my deep sleep by the sounds of thunder and rain. There was an intermittent clicking on the windows that I’m pretty sure was hail. I’m not sure how long it went on, I very briefly opened my eyes, but it seemed like hours. Thankfully, it subsided somewhere along the way and I dozed off again.

Continue reading “The Storm” →

BOOM!!

On July 4, 2019September 11, 2019 By AmyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Happy 4th of July Travellers,

It’s raining here this morning…no 5am walk..

This is my first big holiday on my own, as a single woman, once again. Yesterday at work, I was feeling sad for not having any family where I live, since this seems to be a family holiday. However last night, as the fireworks were going off and Lou was shaking like a leaf, cowering on the couch next to me, I realized how not alone I am…two dogs and two cats are more than company, they are family and I was having multiple conversations via text so I’m not alone. It’s just geography.

Continue reading “BOOM!!” →

All the goodness

On June 20, 2019September 11, 2019 By AmyIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Early morning Travellers,

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but it drives me nuts when people say, “If I knew then, what I know now…I could go back and make a better choice.” I feel like that statement really belies the essence of how we make our decisions. We do the best we can do with where we are and what we know.

Also, I think we make our choices from a place I like to call our “you-ness” that is who we are inside our soul/energy/whatever part of Freud’s model of the psyche that you feel works to describe that part of you. And that you-ness is also shaped by all the experiences we’ve had in our life, how we let those mold us and our actions.

Continue reading “All the goodness” →